As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
