i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
