just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
