alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize