Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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