Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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