I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I AM VODKA MAN
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
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