I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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