is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Capitaan dildo arrescate!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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