I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
