The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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