the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My bed smells like the plague
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
