she looked like the before picture.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
