TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
