I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
