Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
