wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
