you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
