Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
