3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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