Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
