I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
