fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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