Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
