wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
are you so shy because you have an std?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
