Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
