are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
