in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
