You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
