So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
