Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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