dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
