K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she smelled like a LAN party
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
