break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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