God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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