Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
