So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
