As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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