We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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