Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
