Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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