Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
