On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
