I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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