awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize