It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
