Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
