Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
