I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
