where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i will never coherently bang her
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
