no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
