Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
