i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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