What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
