Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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