you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He better not be in your backpack
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize