and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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