I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Sorry about my life...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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