Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
