And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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