Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
