if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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