How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
