My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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