So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
