i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She bit a glass in half.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
