A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
