You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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