Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
