If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
