Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
