I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
