Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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