the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
