he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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