Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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