Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(408): View more from California

We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.

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(816): View more from Missouri

I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??

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(315): View more from New York

I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.

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(585): View more from New York

Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer

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(949): View more from California

i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.

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(317): View more from Indiana

For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea

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(719): View more from Colorado

I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.

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