why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Let's paint friendship bongs
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
