You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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