Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize