Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Randomize
