if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
whose parrot is this?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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