You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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