i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
