he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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