this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
