He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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