I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
