idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
