I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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