is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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