This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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