nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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