Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so let's talk penis.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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