somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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