you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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